Introduction: The Question Your Kids Are Asking
Your 13-year-old comes home from school and says:
“My friend says they’re non-binary. Is that wrong? Isn’t it mean to tell them they’re wrong?”
Or your college-age daughter texts:
“My roommate is transitioning. Should I use their new pronouns? What does the Bible say?”
This isn’t hypothetical. This is happening right now.
And most Christians don’t know how to respond—because we want to be both truthful and compassionate.
Let me show you what Scripture actually says about gender identity—and how to speak truth with love.
What the Bible Says: God Created Two Sexes
Genesis 1:27 (The Foundation)
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
Three truths in one verse:
- Humans are made in God’s image (Imago Dei – Latin for “image of God”)
- God created humanity as male and female (two sexes)
- This is intentional design, not accident
“Male and female” is the first thing Scripture says about human beings after declaring we’re made in God’s image.
Gender is not a social construct. It’s a creational reality.
This foundational truth is echoed throughout Scripture. As Psalm 100:3 declares:
“Know that the LORD, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.”
We are His workmanship—not self-created, not self-defined.
Genesis 2:18-24 (The Purpose)
“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’… So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.”
God created:
- Man (Hebrew: ish)
- Woman (Hebrew: ishah)
- For complementary partnership (helper fit for him)
The design is:
- Biological (male and female bodies)
- Relational (designed to complement each other)
- Purposeful (marriage, procreation, dominion)
John Calvin on God’s purposeful creation of male and female:
“God created man, male and female; he gave them distinct natures, yet so that neither sex might be preferred to the other… Each ought to be content with the condition assigned by God, and not to covet that of the other.”
— John Calvin, Commentary on Genesis
Our biological sex is not arbitrary—it’s a divine assignment with purpose.
Matthew 19:4-5 (Jesus Affirms Genesis)
“He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, \”Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh\”?'”
Jesus quotes Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:24.
He affirms:
- God created male and female (two sexes)
- Marriage is between a man and a woman
- This design is from the beginning (not culturally conditioned)
Jesus’ teaching is clear: God’s design is male and female.
What Is Gender Identity?
Gender identity = a person’s internal sense of being male, female, both, or neither
Transgender = a person whose gender identity doesn’t match their biological sex
The cultural claim:
- “Gender is separate from biological sex”
- “You can be born male but be a woman”
- “Gender is how you feel, not what your body is”
The biblical response:
1. Gender and Biological Sex Are Interconnected
Scripture doesn’t separate “gender” from biological sex.
- Genesis 1:27: “Male and female he created them” → This refers to biological reality
- Deuteronomy 22:5: “A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak” → Distinctions matter to God
God designed our bodies to reflect our sex. Our bodies are not arbitrary.
2. Your Body Is Not a Mistake
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:13-14)
God designed your body—including your biological sex.
If you’re born male, God intended you to be male. If you’re born female, God intended you to be female.
Your body is not an accident. It’s God’s design.
Jonathan Edwards on God’s sovereign design of our bodies:
“The wise and good Creator has not made man in vain, nor without design. He has made him for himself, to glorify himself in his creation and in the various capacities and circumstances in which he has placed him.”
— Jonathan Edwards, The End for Which God Created the World
God created you—body and soul—for His glory. Your biological sex is part of His wise design.
Scripture affirms this truth about our bodies. As 1 Corinthians 12:18 teaches:
“But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose.”
God chose your biological sex. It is not random. It is purposeful.
3. Feelings Don’t Define Reality
The transgender claim: “I feel like a woman, therefore I am a woman.”
The biblical response: Feelings are real, but they don’t define ontological reality (the nature of what actually exists).
Scripture warns us that our hearts can deceive us. Jeremiah 17:9 says:
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”
Our feelings are fallen and unreliable guides to reality. God’s Word is the true standard.
Examples:
- Anorexia: A person feels overweight (even when dangerously thin). Do we affirm their feelings? No. We compassionately correct the distortion.
- Depression: A person feels worthless (even when loved). Do we affirm their feelings? No. We speak truth into the lie.
Gender dysphoria (persistent distress or discomfort with one’s biological sex) is real suffering. But the solution is not to affirm the distortion—it’s to align one’s identity with God’s design.
The path to healing is not found in rejecting our God-given bodies, but in submitting to His Lordship over all of life. As Proverbs 3:5-6 instructs:
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
True healing comes from trusting God’s design rather than our confused feelings.
What Causes Gender Confusion?
Scripture doesn’t address “gender dysphoria” by name. But it does address the root causes:
Cause #1: The Fall (All Creation Is Broken)
“For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption.” (Romans 8:20-21)
The Fall didn’t just break our souls—it broke our bodies, minds, and emotions.
We live in a world where:
- Bodies get sick (cancer, disease)
- Minds get confused (mental illness, cognitive disorders)
- Emotions get distorted (dysphoria, depression)
Gender dysphoria is part of the brokenness introduced by sin.
This doesn’t mean the person sinned. It means we live in a fallen world where things don’t work as God designed.
Cause #2: Cultural Confusion
Culture has rejected God’s design:
- Feminism said: “Men and women are identical”
- Now culture says: “Gender is a spectrum”
- Next: “There are infinite genders”
When you remove God’s design, confusion follows.
“Claiming to be wise, they became fools.” (Romans 1:22)
Cause #3: Spiritual Deception
“For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths.” (2 Timothy 4:3-4)
Satan’s strategy has always been to twist God’s good design:
- In Eden: “Did God actually say…?” (Genesis 3:1)
- Today: “Did God actually create you male/female?”
Gender confusion is not just psychological. It’s spiritual warfare.
How Should Christians Respond?
1. Speak the Truth (Don’t Affirm What Scripture Denies)
“Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.” (Ephesians 4:15)
Truth: God created you male or female. Your biological sex is God’s design.
Love: I care about you too much to affirm a lie.
This means:
- Don’t use preferred pronouns that contradict biological sex (this affirms the lie)
- Don’t say “God made a mistake with your body” (this denies God’s sovereignty)
- Don’t pretend transitioning will solve the deeper issue (it won’t)
Compassion ≠ Affirmation.
You can love someone deeply without affirming their distorted self-perception.
2. Show Compassion (Don’t Condemn the Struggling)
“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.” (Galatians 6:1)
People experiencing gender dysphoria are suffering.
They need:
- Compassion (not condemnation)
- Listening (not lectures)
- Community (not isolation)
What NOT to say:
- ❌ “You’re just confused.” (Dismissive)
- ❌ “Stop being selfish.” (Shaming)
- ❌ “You’re going to hell.” (Condemning)
What TO say:
- ✅ “I care about you. This must be incredibly hard.” (Compassionate)
- ✅ “Can I understand what you’re experiencing?” (Listening)
- ✅ “I believe God designed you with purpose—let’s explore what Scripture says.” (Truthful + hopeful)
3. Point to Identity in Christ (Not in Gender)
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28)
Your ultimate identity is not:
- Male or female
- Black or white
- Rich or poor
Your ultimate identity is: In Christ.
For the person struggling with gender dysphoria:
“Your deepest identity is not your gender—it’s being a child of God. You are loved, known, and accepted by Christ—not because of how you feel about your body, but because of what Jesus did on the cross.”
This profound truth is beautifully expressed in Colossians 3:3-4:
“For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”
Your true life is found in Christ—not in achieving the “right” gender identity.
Identity in Christ doesn’t erase biological sex. But it reframes it:
- Your worth is not in your gender—it’s in Christ
- Your purpose is not to “feel right” in your body—it’s to glorify God with your body (1 Corinthians 6:20)
4. Offer the Gospel (Jesus Redeems Broken Identity)
The gospel is not:
- “Try harder to feel right in your body”
- “Suppress your feelings”
- “Fake it till you make it”
The gospel is:
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Jesus offers:
- Forgiveness (for all sin—including sexual sin, gender confusion, rebellion)
- New identity (child of God, not defined by feelings)
- Transformation (the Spirit renews the mind—Romans 12:2)
- Hope (one day, all brokenness will be healed)
Practical Scenarios
Scenario #1: “Should I use preferred pronouns?”
Answer: No.
Why?
- Using preferred pronouns affirms a lie (that someone can be a gender other than their biological sex)
- It participates in denying God’s design
- It prioritizes feelings over truth
But can’t I use pronouns out of kindness?
Response: Kindness is not the same as affirmation.
- You can be kind to an anorexic person without saying, “Yes, you’re overweight.”
- You can be kind to a depressed person without saying, “Yes, you’re worthless.”
- You can be kind to a transgender person without saying, “Yes, you’re the opposite sex.”
Alternative: Use the person’s name instead of pronouns.
Scenario #2: “My child says they’re transgender. What do I do?”
Steps:
- Listen without panicking. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”
- Investigate what’s influencing them (social media, peer pressure, mental health struggles).
- Speak truth gently: “God designed you as [male/female], and He doesn’t make mistakes. Let’s figure out what’s causing these feelings.”
- Get help: Find a biblical counselor (not an affirming therapist who will push transition).
- Love them fiercely: “I love you. Nothing will change that. But I love you too much to affirm something that contradicts God’s design.”
Do NOT:
- Affirm their transgender identity
- Allow social transition (name change, pronouns, clothing)
- Pursue medical transition (puberty blockers, hormones, surgery)
These steps don’t help. They reinforce the confusion.
Scenario #3: “How do I talk to my unbelieving friend who’s transitioning?”
Approach:
- Build relationship first. Don’t lead with theology. Lead with love.
- Listen to their story. “What led you to this decision?”
- When appropriate, share the gospel: “I believe God created you with purpose—can I share what Scripture says about identity?”
- Be prepared for rejection. They may not listen. That’s okay. You planted a seed.
Don’t expect a non-Christian to live like a Christian.
Focus on the gospel first. Gender identity will follow when the heart is transformed.
The Hope: Resurrection Bodies
One day, all brokenness will be healed.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)
In the resurrection:
- No more dysphoria
- No more confusion
- No more broken bodies
- No more distorted identities
We will receive glorified, perfected bodies—male and female—as God intended.
This hope sustains us in the brokenness.
Final Thought
Gender identity is not complicated. Culture has made it complicated.
Scripture is clear:
- God created male and female (Genesis 1:27)
- Your body is God’s design (Psalm 139:14)
- Your identity is in Christ (Galatians 3:28)
Speak truth. Show compassion. Point to Jesus.
And trust that God’s design is good—even when culture says otherwise.
Related reading from the Savage Mercies gender ideology series:
